I used to read stories like this and wonder how anyone could be so blind. I thought I had a solid marriage, a smart wife, and a life that made sense. Then one night, my wife Hannah came home exhausted from her PhD work. She was sitting at her desk, rolling her shoulders, so I offered her a massage.
We moved to the bed, and before I knew it, she was snoring. I decided to shut her laptop for her, and an email tab was open. It was a Gmail address, not her university account. And the conversation was not about research.
It was the kind of back-and-forth you’d send to someone you were sleeping with. The latest message from her professor, Coulson, was sent that night: “Just got home. ” I spent the next thirty minutes reading everything. I found the line “same place as last week,” and I knew.
She was cheating on me with her college professor. a man at least twenty years older than her. I sent the entire email thread to myself and deleted it from her laptop. Then I sat in the living room all night, furious.
She had been gone most days, often on weekends too, and I had paid the rest of her tuition after scholarships. I had kept our household running while she chased her degree. And she was out there sleeping with the man who graded her work. a man who was supposed to be better than that.
When she came downstairs the next morning, she found me on the couch. I told her I woke up early. I wasn’t ready to confront her yet. I needed to move first,, so she couldn’t talk me out of it.
I contacted a friend who had been through two divorces,and he recommended a lawyer. I met with him, and he seemed confident I would come out on top. Then I sent an anonymous report to the university conduct board, including the entire email thread. After that, I told Hannah I wanted a divorce.
She was shocked. She kept asking if I was joking,, then why. I told her to think about whether she had done anything that could end a marriage. She shook her head no.
I said,”Coulson. What about him? ” She nearly jumped out of her seat. She started to explain that it didn’t mean anything,, that the close proximity made it comfortable,, that it started on a day she was vulnerable.
She said she planned to stop after graduation,, that it was transactional, not even physical. Every word she said made it worse. I told her I appreciated the explanation,, but it wasn’t going to save her. I told her I was glad to be out of a misery I didn’t even know I was in.
She grabbed onto me as I tried to walk away,, screaming that she was sorry,, that it was a mistake,, that she loved me. I told her I didn’t feel loved,, and if she really loved me,, she wouldn’t have cheated with someone who could have been her father. I pushed her off,, went upstairs,, and locked myself in her bedroom. A few hours later,, I handed her a suitcase with her essentials,, and told her she could come back for the rest accompanied.
She broke down. I let her stay one more night on the couch,, but told her she had to leave the next day. When I came down the next morning,, she was still there. I ignored her.
When I got back,, she was gone. A few days later,, I presented her with divorce papers. She cried,, but she signed them. The university investigation did not go well for Coulson.
He was terminated from his position. Hannah wasn’t expelled,, but she had to be assigned a new supervisor,, which pushed her research timeline back significantly. The investigation also requested her previous work be examined for favoritism. She blamed me,, weeping.
I told her she was simply receiving the consequences of her own actions. Her scholarships were at risk,, and she would likely need extra tuition for the extra time in her program. I wasn’t prepared to pay that for her. The divorce itself was messy.
She tried to bleed me dry,, saying she was dependent on me and needed support to continue her studies. I told her the average woman her age had been working for years,, and she chose to chase degree after degree. She could get a job like everyone else. She claimed I pushed her into school,, which was a lie.
We ended up in front of a judge. I was ordered to provide spousal support for living expenses for the time remaining in her studies,, but not tuition. I got to keep the house and the car. I was fine with that.
Most of what we had came from my work anyway. When she realized her affair had added up to two extra years of study,, she showed up at the house ranting. She made a scene. I told her I’d call the police if she didn’t settle.
She said she didn’t care,, claiming I had a right to pay her tuition until she graduated. I told her that her own actions had messed up her free ride,, and she should call her parents or get a job instead of trying to outrun adulthood. She tried to slap me. I stepped back,, laughed,, and dialed the police.
She left before I finished the call. I still filed a report when they arrived. Women can destroy men’s lives too easily in this world,, and I wasn’t going to let that happen to me. She calls me sometimes,, begging me to rethink things,, saying she’s sorry for everything.
I always remind her that everything she is going through now is the consequence of her own choices,, not my doing. I won’t change my mind. I’m already paying spousal support. I have better things to spend my money on.
She ruined what I thought would be a permanent part of my life,, but in the end,, it’s for the better. I’m glad we never had children. There’s no moral to my story. All I can say is: watch your partner.
Investigate any suspicion you have. It might save you a lot of heartache.. Run as soon as you can.
