“Flo, can you put the incontinence pad on my lounger tonight? ” I asked. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Just don’t soak the whole lounger.
”
“Well, a little pee just comes out uncontrollably. ”
“That’s what happens when you get old, right? ”
“Yeah, incredible. Totally awesome.
”
I was genuinely thrilled. Someone had sent us a care package, and the jokes about incontinence were flying. “Thanks so much for the incontinence stories. That’s what I’m most excited about.
At 50, you really need this stuff. ”
“Wait, I thought you turned 60. ”
“I’m not 60 at all. ”
“Oh, then we had the signs wrong.
”
We were out camping, getting ready for a sturgeon fishing session. The mood was light, the banter constant. We had a couple of rods in the water and were setting up for a long night. I was fiddling with my new microphones.
“The annoying thing is, you can’t charge them while you’re using them. ”
“You should test if they work. ”
“What’s up? ”
“They’re great.
You don’t even need a tent here. You can see Flo’s crack. ”
“Yeah, that’s normal. ”
“What do you need three grills for back there?
”
“For nothing. We didn’t even bring them. ”
“You don’t need any of that. We have our Scotty here.
”
“Man, that one’s already full. ”
“Wait, is there something in there already? ”
“Let it run. How much can it record?
”
“Wait a second. Can you guys turn around for a moment? ”
“Go ahead. ”
“You know you have your pants on under that, right?
”
“Oh, shit. I just peed in my pants. ”
“Nice one, man. ”
“Hey, if you get a bite, can you zoom in a bit?
”
“In theory, yes. But if I get a bite, I have to run to the rod. ”
The line was hanging loose again. “The line is sagging again.
”
“It’s fine. Wonderful. ”
“Thanks so much for the great package, you crazy people. The pads are funny.
And the middle finger sticker is definitely going in the car. I’m sure of that. I’ll put it on as soon as we’re on the way back. ”
“You have to wear that diaper until Sunday.
”
“You can forget that. Only tonight. ”
“Your junk has to go in the diaper too. ”
“This was all your idea.
Unbelievable. ”
“Listen, the camera guy asked if you can zoom in when you get a bite. ”
“Yeah, you can. You just have to tap the joystick three times.
But I’m not going to fiddle with settings. I’ll try to carry it carefully afterward. ”
“You can just grab it by the head and run. ”
The conversation drifted to tech.
My power bank was only charging at 6 watts instead of 8. “The problem is, normally it would be great to do this over USB-C because it would charge much faster. But the battery bank won’t accept power. It only gives power.
And I can’t switch it. I need a trigger module. I have some at home, but they’re only one-sided USB. I want to run it with double USB-C so it has to take the power.
”
“That’s quite a piece of technology. ”
“Yeah, it is. ”
“What do you need all these motion sensors for? ”
“So if someone happens to go down there at night, they don’t break their legs.
”
“That’s smart. ”
“I gave Marv one of the rectangular stickers and a keychain so he doesn’t go away empty-handed. He’s a great guy. Look at all he’s organized here.
It’s really cool. It’s like we’re staying here for two weeks. ”
“What did you say? ”
“Like we’re staying here for two weeks, right?
That was the plan. ”
“Yeah, it was. ”
We talked about fishing gear. The new Garmin LiveScope 2 was just released.
“The LVS34 has been out for a year. But since the day before yesterday, there’s the LVS 42 HD. The image is supposed to be much better. ”
“Does it work with the GLS10 box?
”
“No, you don’t need the GLS10 box anymore. It’s integrated. ”
“That’s actually great. ”
“Now they just need to take out the plotter, then it’s perfect.
”
“If you could connect it to a tablet, that would be really cool. Then you wouldn’t be dependent on that stupid LiveScope thing. ”
“And you wouldn’t have that heavy plotter. ”
“Exactly.
”
“They cost a fortune too. ”
The packages for Ossi and Flo were opened. “I even put on the diaper specially,” Flo said. “This is going to get wild.
”
“It already did. The rod was only in the water for 10 or 15 minutes, and a fish already nudged it. ”
“Look at that. ”
“I like it as compact as possible.
The black box and all that stuff was always a pain, even though it brings endless fun. I sold my LiveScope two years ago. ”
“You should sell your Ultra 2 102 SV with the GLS10 and the 34. People will snatch it out of your hands.
Just put it on the classifieds, it’ll be gone in a second. ”
“I still have 12 months of warranty. ”
“You won’t even have pressed Enter before it’s gone, with the price you’re asking. ”
“I found the one you sent me interesting.
That you can connect it with everything. ”
“Yeah, that’s what I mean. ”
“Which Anker do you have? ”
“Anker Solix 1000 or something.
649 euros at the moment. And I’d like the solar panels too. ”
“789 euros with the loading case. ”
“Exactly, that’s the point.
That you can pack it in cleanly. ”
“A few weeks ago there was a fisheries meeting in Brussels. There was talk about LiveScope ban regulations. ”
“I’m surprised they get those bans through.
”
“Hey, something happened. Earlier, the rod had a piece of hake. I had my first bite already. And Ossi just had a nudge too.
We thought it was already escalating. Now we’re really curious. ”
“Sturgeon on sturgeon. ”
“Honestly, without Marv, I wouldn’t do this.
A sturgeon session. I don’t even know how to handle the fish afterward. How to hold it and all that. He has to explain everything to me.
”
“If it’s a small one, you can grab it. But a big one, you have to go into the water with it. ”
“When they’re a meter long, they’re already strong. ”
“You have to jump on it with your elbow.
”
“What wouldn’t you do with me? ”
“I wouldn’t go sturgeon fishing here without you. ”
The package had great stuff in it. A nice shirt with the stream logo.
Scented trees. And a giant adult diaper. “It’s a bit unusual at first, with the three or four pads and two incontinence mats. ”
“And of course, the courage to go into the water and then, when it’s swallowed, all the way up to the mouth.
”
“I don’t even know how its teeth are. ”
“It has no teeth. ”
“I’m totally ignorant about sturgeon. ”
Suddenly, the rod bent hard.
“Now it’s starting. The rods are armed. ”
“Can one of you come over? ”
“Oh, now there’s a bite.
That fits over my hand, turn it like this. ”
“What’s in the water? ”
“With the stream, you can see about 5 seconds into the future. ”
“You’re good enough.
”
“You actually need a mailbox here so they can deliver mail. ”
“I could actually live here for days. If my solar motor comes next week, I really could live here for days. ”
“The battery is at 23%.
Is that normal? ”
“Yeah, it’s not charging. ”
“Oh, but now it’s charging. ”
“What’s in there?
”
“The orange field, that’s where the wattage should be. ”
“Man, it’s already up to… Dude, what a bite. ”
“Yeah, he’s taking it. Come on, he’s looking at us.
”
“Do you want it? ”
“No, that’s your fish. ”
“I’ll follow. Wait, I can take the camera too.
That makes more sense. ”
“Man, he just jumped! He jumped! ”
“I’ve got goosebumps, man.
”
“Can you reel it in? ”
“Ossi has to do it now. I’m holding the camera. I don’t have a stand.
”
“Man, what is that thing? Did it jump? Is it still hooked or free? ”
“I can’t feel anything.
”
“It’s going wild. It has a huge tail. ”
“Can you all see that? ”
“Man, what’s buzzing?
”
“That’s a pump. You can pull it out. ”
“Now he’s coming here to the front. He’s right there.
”
“Man, I see him. What a monster. What a monster. ”
“Should I reel mine in too?
”
“I’ll just hold on to mine for a moment. ”
“Hopefully he jumps again. ”
“I think he’s too close for that now. He’s letting out air.
He’s making himself heavy. He’s done. He won’t jump anymore. ”
“He’s letting air out.
See that? Blub. Blub. Then he makes himself heavy and sinks like a stone.
”
“Man, what a head. ”
“Do you want to hold him? ”
“Yeah, I can go in. ”
“Careful.
Where are you holding him? ”
“At the fin. ”
“Okay. Does that work, or do you need pliers?
”
“It’s fine. ”
“Nice sturgeon. ”
“Yeah, awesome. ”
“Bye-bye.
”
“Fresh fish, fresh fish. ”
“Thanks for the 30 bits. ”
“That was really cool. You could see it pretty well in the stream.
”
“Crazy fish. ”
“Yeah, it is. ”
“And that’s still a small one. What was he?
A meter? 120, 130? ”
“Yeah, something like that.
”
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